Time
and again, parents ask for help
responding to some variation of
these five questions. In Just
Tell Me What to Say, you will
find sensible tips and scripts to
guide you in talking with your child
about these issues and many others.
How
do I get my child to listen to me?
Listening is not the
problem. The problem is that your
child is not being compliant, not
doing what you are asking him to
do or not to do. There is no one-size-fits-all
answer. You, however, need to grow
some credibility, otherwise known
as backbone. Position yourself deliberately,
right in front of your child and
not across the room from your child.
State your request clearly, being
very specific in your expectations.
Explain the consequence for non-compliance,
giving just one warning. Give him
a moment to comply, and when he
doesn’t, lower the boom (impose
the related consequence.) Repeated
and hollow threats create children
who don’t listen.
How
do I get my children to stop fighting?
Sibling children fight!
It’s not necessarily a bad thing,
either. It may be bad for you because
the sound effects likely drive you
nuts. When both children are older
than 3 years old, there is one sure
fire method to reduce the fighting:
Remove yourself from the scene.
Just walk away. Go into your room.
Leave the scene. When you are not
there to be the judge or the jury,
the siblings magically solve their
own problems; they figure it out.
It may not be “fair,” but it is
over! (Note that I am not talking
about physical fighting here.)
How
do I get my kids to eat something,
anything, healthy?
Don’t
fight about food! This is one of
those areas (like clothing) where
my best advice is to resist the
call to arms. You cannot control
what your child, or anyone else
for that matter, eats. Often taking
the fight out of food consumption
gives your child permission to eat
on his own terms. And that is often
what he wants…control. This doesn’t
mean you need to give in; it means
you refuse to fight about it. Serve
the food you are offering and if
your child chooses not to eat, so
be it! He won’t starve, I promise.
(You will, likely, need to tolerate
an explosive reaction when you deny
him food an hour later!)
How did the baby get in your tummy?
Babies
don’t grow in tummies! The only
thing that goes in a tummy is food
or medicine. Babies grow in a special
place inside a woman’s body called
the uterus or womb. It is right
next to the tummy. That big hump
you see in a pregnant woman is her
stretched out uterus. It gets bigger
and bigger as the baby inside gets
bigger, until it is ready to be
born.
What
does it mean to be dead?
Dead
means that something that was once
alive is all done living. Everything
that is alive will die sometime.
Everything that is alive has a life
cycle -- trees and flowers, animals
and bugs, and all people have life
cycles. First they are born and
are very little; then they grow
up; and then they die. (You will
probably need to add that you, the
parent, are not going to die for
a long, long, long, LONG time.)
